SHOPP ING FOR LOVE
using your retail know how on the single scene If you?ve spent a fair bit of time dress, halter neck or sweet-heart cut etc. We put because you have been dating, and you don?t
shopping in the ?dinner for one? aisle, you in the time and leg work it takes to hunt around want to let them down or hurt them by ending
probably know how hard it can be to find a
long lasting, loving relationship.
Its funny, really, that competent and mature
women like us can be so level-headed and savvy
when it comes to making a great find in the retail
arena, and yet so at a loss when we are shopping
for love. Well, looking for a partner is a lot like
looking for that special dress to wear to an
important occasion. Or at least, it should be.
When we want to dress up and look our best, not
just any old thing will do. The perfect dress needs
to be eye catching and look great in its own right,
and it needs to fit you well ? suiting your unique
body shape, accentuating your attributes and
minimising your flaws. Finally, you should feel
absolutely fabulous when you wear it.
Likewise, our relationships are an important aspect
of our lives. We should be looking for Mr Right
? not making throw-away decisions and settling
for Mr Right Now. You should scrupulously hunt
out the man who catches your eye and whose
personality you enjoy; there should be a good ?fit?
between you regarding your interests, preferences,
values and aspirations; and most of all, you should
feel absolutely fabulous when you?re with him!
When women hit the shopping centres looking for
the perfect dress, we generally have a good plan
of attack. We have certain criteria and preferences
to stick to ? price range, colour, length of the
and try on all the choices that take our fancy to
find out which works for us best. We might even
take a couple of girlfriends to give their unbiased
opinions and observations. We certainly wouldn?t
walk into the first shop we see and buy a dress
without trying it on. We wouldn?t buy a dress just
because of the label or because someone else
recommended it either. So why do we tend to be
less choosy when it comes to relationships?
The following points identify some of the
reasons women don?t ?shop around? for love.
? Feelings of inadequacy. Feeling inadequate as
a potential partner can stem from deep-seated
low self-esteem issues and the belief that we
are unworthy of love. Some women aren?t
choosy because they feel they don?t deserve
anyone better.
? Fear of rejection. Women who are fearful of
rejection tend to shy away from social interaction
and have difficulty meeting new people. They
are less inclined to actively seek out the sort of
people they would like in their lives, and they are
limited to the choice of potential partners who
approach them.
? Being a pleaser. Sometimes we can be ?sucked
into? a relationship after a few casual dates
without ever making a clear decision that we
want to start a relationship with someone. You
may feel a sense of obligation to the partner
it. This is essentially a fear of saying ?no? and
reflects submissiveness.
All of these are common experiences, and can
really hinder our search for love. So before you
even start looking, remind yourself that you are
special. Remind yourself that you are a confident
and mature woman who deserves the best that life
has to offer. Don?t be afraid to shop around!
Now, let me just clarify that ?shopping around?
does not mean sleeping around. Its simply about
having the courage to get out there, meet new
people, go on dates, and explore your options.
And why shouldn?t we? It can be empowering
and liberating for women to go on dates, have
an enjoyable night, and know that a single date
doesn?t automatically lead to a relationship.
Dating serves an important function ? it allows
you to learn about his passions, interests, and
personality, and for him to learn about yours. How
else will you know if the two of you ?gel?? You
can?t judge a book by its cover, you know!
Whether you?re looking for Mr Right, or just a
decent bloke to go out with, remember to use
your retail skills. Start with a general idea of
what you?re looking for, have a keen eye for
quality, and don?t make a purchase until you
feel absolutely fabulous!
-Dr Vanessa Cook, Registered Health Psychologist
Inner Balance Personal Training. Ph 0419 894 621
38 | good life, june -july 2007
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